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[15 Jun 2005|12:11am] |
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And when you cry, be sure to dry your eyes, cause better days are sure to come. And when you smile, be sure to smile wide, and don't let them know that they have won. And when you walk, walk with pride: don't show the hurt inside, because the pain soon will be gone. And when you laugh, be sure to laugh out loud cause it will carry all your cares away. And when you see, see the beauty all around and in yourself, and it will help you feel okay. And when you pray, pray for strength to help you carry on when the troubles come your way. And when you dream, dream big. As big as the ocean, blue. Cause when you dream it might come true.
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(3 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| WAHOOOO! |
[17 Nov 2004|05:28pm] |
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mood |
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 happy |
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music |
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Kelly Clarkson |
] |
Hi!! I'm 18 today. I'm rambling on about it because I'm soo excited! So don't read if you don't want! =) It is super weird when I think about being 18. I'm technically an 'adult', but I don't feel like it. I still need my daddy. But it is really nice having a birthday. You realize who really appreciates your friendship by the thoughtful things people do. The unique, thoughtful, random, out of someone's way things are what make birthdays special. Now, I'm not saying I don't appreciate presents bc yes it takes time to go to the store and think about what to get and all that jazz, but I think you guys get where I'm coming from. Today, I walked outside to my new car and saw two roses on my front window. Then I realized that my car had been written on by Andrea and Timmy saying "Happy Birthday" and "We love you" and other stuff. I don't think you guys realize how much things like that mean to me. Then, I got the sweetest notes from friends, along with balloons, flowers, and a bear =) My mommy brought me lunch to school. Amazing. I love her! Stephy called me and left a happy birthday message on my phone. In my 3rd period, people sang Happy Birthday to me. Tonight, I'm going to dinner at the yacht club with Scottie. So fun! Korrie Kalakay came by my house and brought me a happy birthday card. I mean honestly, how sweet can someone be? All the "Happy Birthday!"'s that I got, they mean so much to me too because I know that honestly most people want me to have a good day and enjoy it ya know? The people in this world aren't as bad as some believe. Today was just a great day and I thank you all so much for making it the best! I loooooooove you all and sincerely appreciate everything. I hope everyone is doing extremely well! Now, I'm off to buy a lotto ticket!
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(6 whispers // tell me a secret)
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[13 Nov 2004|11:00pm] |
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mood |
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excited |
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music |
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Little Moments like that =) |
] |
My best friend is here. Finally! I love how we can just pick up everything like she never left. BEST FRIENDS!!!!!!
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(1 whisper // tell me a secret)
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[10 Nov 2004|07:07pm] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Tim McGraw- Back when |
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I am so blessed! I can't believe I have been given so many opportunities and so many gifts (like presents, not talents) that I don't even know how to show my appreciation and thanks anymore. I feel like saying "Thank you" doesn't come close to expressing what I really mean. I'm so happy about everything that I'm almost to the point of tears. I suppose that's a good thing =) Well, that's my life and I love it! I hope everyone is in the same boat with me! I love yall! And as my friend Joe Dirt once said, "Life's a garden, dig it!"
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(1 whisper // tell me a secret)
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| and He said "I am" |
[30 Sep 2004|10:26am] |
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mood |
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 refreshed |
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music |
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Shane & Shane |
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I want to be like that...where I close my eyes and throw back my head and I step up to dance with You. My tiny hand disappears in Your infinite one and my steps are so clumsy compared to Your grace. The music begins, and we move out onto the floor and my grip tightens, knowing I will fall, but also knowing You will guide me...and the music swells, roaring in my ears until I am so captivated that I cannot look at anyone but You. My hands feel poised for the next step, my head up, a smile of love glowing on my face, my eyes lock with Yours...and then, maybe then, I will not even notice when You turn to one of Your sons and invite him to dance with me...
mmmmmm. I looooove that! I think it's just beautiful.
I want to say thank you to the people who have genuinely tried to keep our friendship strong. Things are beginning to change, people are starting to grow up and farther apart. It seems like some of my 'friends' don't really care. I mean, hey, this is just our last year together, right? No biggie. Then, there are always those who you know will call you up randomly from Ohio or Gainesville because they are worried about you and truly care, and those when they dont have power haha, or just maybe because they miss you. Then do stupid stuff like go to Mugs and Movies, be loud and obnoxious, sleepover, Taco Bell at 1:00, but yet have a wonderful time. =) It's just...refreshing for lack of a better word. I am truly blessed. Thank You from the bottom of my heart. I am going to put in more effort because I care, I really do. I love you ALL! <333
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(4 whispers // tell me a secret)
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[20 Sep 2004|06:58pm] |
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mood |
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 anxious |
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music |
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Copeland |
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Okay, so I'm stressing out a little bit. But at the same time, it's sort of an exciting time..I have homecoming deadlines, ACT saturday, college applications/essays, school....ahhhhhh. it's hard to get everything done! BUT, I can do it right? bc it's not like i'm the only one who has to go through all of this. I can do it! Just if you guys think about it, could you maybe say a little prayer for me. It'd be greatly appreciated. I love you ALL! xoxox!
Lord, help me to trust You completely.
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(7 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| I don't wanna miss a thing |
[07 Sep 2004|04:57pm] |
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mood |
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jubilant |
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music |
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That thing you do |
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I have been trying so hard to enjoy each day of my life that God has graciously given to me. Even in the crappy times, I don't want to be a poopoo face and complain about everything, I want to be happy and joyous. That is my goal. I will do it. I will complain less and smile more. I don't want to lay in my bed at night and wish I did something differently that day. I don't want to have any regrets. I won't. Starting now. I'm ready. Anyone else in?
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(6 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| I want to shout from the rooftop! |
[22 Aug 2004|05:47pm] |
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Wow. You never cease to amaze me. =) I love how with one day, you can re-assure me and take away every fear I might have had. I have completely fallen for you, and now I remember why. I love you. Thank you. For everything.
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(3 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| ALL or nothing!* |
[31 Jul 2004|12:36am] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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Casting Crowns |
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A wise person once told me that God works in wonderful ways. I always believed it, but sometimes it takes something extra to give your faith a little boost, and it always happens at the perfect time. This whole day was my boost. And all I have to say is, I'm never going to under-estimate my God again. My life has completely been changed in the passed couple of days. It's glorious! I am so incredibly on fire for Jesus! I cannot wait for each day! I am so thankful for everything in my life, I just can't explain it. I would type out each thing I want to say, but it'd take forever and I'm sure you guys dont really care. =) Anyways, I hope you all are having an amazing summer. I love you all! Never give up hope about anything! =)
"Your love is extravagant. Your friendship, it is intimate. I feel like moving to the rythym of your grace. Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place. Your love is extravagant."
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(1 whisper // tell me a secret)
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| Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you? |
[08 Jun 2004|11:42pm] |
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mood |
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ecstatic |
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music |
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Strawberry Wine- Deanna Carter |
] |
Life is AMAZING. I totally don't want to jinx myself, but I don't care. I'm ready to scream at the top of my lungs because I am so happy. I haven't been this happy in quite a while. PRAISE THE LORD! There has been some bad news over the passed couple days, but I have this wonderful feeling that everything is going to be okay. Stephy, my baby, is moving away to Gainesville at the end of July. At first I was completely heart broken because many people I get close to either move, or die, and here is another one to add to the list. BUT, I've prayed and prayed and prayed, and I have been given this peace, ya know the one that passes all understanding =) It's beautiful. Thank You, Lord. So right now, I am in love with life. I want to stay like this for forever. I miss all my great friends...Christina!! D-mo!! Hannah!! Lauren!! Come back into my life! =) Oh, my little Christiny, you don't know HOW EXCITED I am for you! Honestly. You totally deserve every ounce of happiness the world has to offer! SO, GO FOR IT!!!!!!! you're the best! Less than 2 weeks! YESSSS!!! I love all of you guys. I hope everyone is perfect! Until then...
<3<3<3
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(2 whispers // tell me a secret)
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[31 May 2004|12:23pm] |
Scattered words and empty thoughts
Seem to pour from my heart.
I've never felt so torn before
Seems I don't know where to start.
But its now I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain.
I still believe in your faithfulness.
I still believe in your truth.
I still believe in your Holy Word.
Even when I dont see, I still believe.
Though the questions still fog up my mind
With promises I still seem to bear.
Even when answers slowly unwind
It's my heart I see you prepare.
But its now that I feel your grace fall like rain
From every fingertip washing away my pain.
The only place I can go is into your arms
Where I throw to you my feeble prayers. In brokeness
I can see that this is your will for me.
Help me to know you are near.
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(2 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| Would you want me when I'm not myself? |
[23 May 2004|05:49pm] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Tim McGraw- You get used to somebody |
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Hmm...I haven't written since April 9. Sorry guys. I mean I know it drives yall crazy not to know what's going on with me. Yeah, right. Well, on the bright side, we finally got a digital camera!! I'm sooo excited. Christina, pictures are coming your way (once I figure out how to work it haha) AND SCHOOL IS OVER! WAAAAAAHOOOOO. I am a senior now. I took my senior pictures yesterday. It's so strange. I remember back in good ol' middle school. daaaaang. I miss all you LHMSers! Oh Oh OH! I'm so excited for this summer retreat my church is going on to North Carolina! When we went a couple years ago, it was amazing. I cannot wait. PLUS, my little Christiny is going! SCORE! So now, on the bad side, Stephy and I broke up. It's so sad. I'm quite upset about it. I hate thinking about how much fun we had and how much I loved hanging out with him and how happy he made me because I remember how big of a screw up I am. I don't get why I'm such a freak. Everytime I get a good relationship going, I end up doing something stupid because I'm terrified of being hurt. WHO CARES? Getting hurt is a part of life. It develops character. So why am I so scared? I end up getting hurt more by trying not to get hurt. AHH. I'm a retard and I'm kicking myself for it. BUT, I know that everything will be okay. I know that God has my life in His hands, so I'm not going to stress over things I can't control. I love knowing that! God is good, all the time. I've learned many things about myself in the passed couple weeks, and I'm incredibly thankful for that. Well, I love yall! =) And Christina, I'm SOOOOOO HAPPY about Trev! He's B-E-A-U-TIFUL! iiiiii mean it's beautiful =)
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(2 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| Why hello my dear- |
[09 Apr 2004|06:36pm] |
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mood |
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hopeful |
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music |
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Rascal Flatts- I meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelt |
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So I'm good now. Thank you so much everyone who commented on my last entry, and who prayed for me. I was awakened to realize what a great life I really do have despite the things I think are so 'horrible'. My life is really amazing. I have the greatest family in the whole entire world. The Wilson family is DA BOMB! I also have the greatest friends a girl could ask for. I am so thankful for them all. God puts people in ours lives at the perfect time to help you get through things. A month before Christina moved to Ohio, God allowed me to become really really close with Nathan Amann and Julie Garretson. When that awful time came where Christina actually moved away, I had them to rely on. If they weren't there for me to call up whenever I was sad or anything just to listen and talk to me, I wouldn't have made it through that. Now, I'm going through another tough time, and again, God is faithful and put Maddy Morgan into my life. She is really great. She has such a great outlook on life! I wish I thought like her. She always says "try everything, if it doesn't work, oh well, at least you can say you tried, and always learn from things" and "never have any regrets about anything" To me, those are words of wisdom. But anyway, just an update for you guys, so no one will worry- I don't really know who would worry about me, but just in case someone out there cares =) I love you all and I hope everyone has a wonderful Easter and a grrrrrrrrreat long weekend!
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(3 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| why? |
[02 Apr 2004|08:16pm] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
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music |
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Jeremy Camp- I still believe |
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So my life sucks right now. I'm always a happy person, but I'm not right now and haven't been for a while. I have been faking happiness for some time. No one can really tell because no one really knows me that well except Christina. I've cried really really hard every single day this week. I don't understand. Just when I'm starting to get back into Church and going good with my walk with God, everything bad that could possibly happen, has been happening. Please just pray for me, if you remember. I'm trying so hard to be optimistic and trust God with my whole life, but it's so difficult when I'm being torn up inside. Maybe this is all supposed to draw me closer to God because people tend to lean on Him during hard times. I really am thankful for all the blessings I have in my life, and I guess everyone goes through a crappy stage, but I hate it. I just wanna be my old happy self again. It's gotten to the point where for the passed couple days, I've cried so hard that I almost throw up. Lord, please, I don't want to cry anymore... Please, help me to remember that You have a perfect will for me and I don't have to worry about anything. My life is in Your hands, Lord, and I want you to take control. I don't want to fake happiness anymore. I want real happiness and joy and peace. Thank You for all my blessings, and even my struggles. I know You are going to have the best for me and I thank you for that, also. I surrender all to You.
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(7 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| <3<3<3 |
[04 Feb 2004|08:34pm] |
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mood |
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 tired |
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Shane Barnard |
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wow. i'm so tired. after i finish my math homework i'm definitely going to bed. i never have a life after tennis starts. i just don't have any energy to do anything after school and then tennis. oh well. no one will miss me if i sleep allllllll day after i get home =) anyway, i love everyone! and i hope everyone is doing PERFECTLY!! i really miss all of you guys! have a wonderful rest of the week!
xoxo, kay
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(3 whispers // tell me a secret)
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[02 Feb 2004|07:28pm] |
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mood |
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 thoughtful |
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music |
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Tim McGraw |
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Even though my life is going great right now, I still get this empty feeling inside because I miss the best person I've ever known- That feeling was gone once I was in Ohio, but now its back. I hate it. I know everything happens for a reason, but I still hate it. I mean, I hate not knowing what's going on in her life, and her not knowing about mine and the only way we have on communicating is the freakin' internet and phone. I just wanna have a Christina Night and watch a movie w/ greasy hair and no make-up. Is that so much to ask? Well, I can't change anything so I shouldn't stress right......"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Wow, that's difficult sometimes.
On a brighter note, we had our first official tennis practice today! Wahoo! I did pretty well. Our team kicks butt! I'm sooo excited!
Stephen and I are doing very very well, if anyone was wondering. We have sooo much fun together, I love it! He is...I don't know...I can't describe how great he is! =) Where did I go right? What did I do to catch such a blessing? I can't get over how undeserving I am. Praise the Lord for Stephen Michael Scott~
"I will not be labeled as average!"
YAY! MONDAY IS OVER!!
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(2 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| My stomach's filled with the butterflies...and it's alright |
[31 Jan 2004|05:26pm] |
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mood |
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happy |
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music |
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Rascal Flatts! |
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Things are so great, it's a little nerve-racking.
Thank you, Lord. You are way too good to me! It's unbelievable how great You are! I can never express my gratitude.
I am so happy right now, it's insane. I just wanna stand on the top of a mountain and scream at the top of my lungs!!!!! yay! Life is B-E-A-U-TIFUL!
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(7 whispers // tell me a secret)
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[24 Jan 2004|12:30pm] |
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mood |
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YAY! |
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music |
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dmb |
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I am SOOO glad it's the weekend! I honestly wouldn't have made it another day at school this week. I was so tired! My teachers are really demanding a lot of me these days. But oh well, it'll all pay off when I get into college =)
Stephen came over last night. We ate pizza and just watched For the love of the game. It was a really good movie. I had so much fun just hanging out with him. He is wonderful. I honestly don't get what I did right to catch such a great person. BUT I'm not complaining! =) I'm super glad that I finally woke up! <3<3<3
Mal Mal!! I MISS YOU LIKE WHOOOOOOOA! Please please, we have to hang out soon. I need a diper moment okay? I love you this much! xoxo
So we had tennis conditioning yesterday! yay! it was really fun! I'm soo enthusiastic about this season. Everyone gets along so great- I honestly think we'll become really close this year, as apposed to last year when there were like 6 different cliques. I'm excited because I think we'll do really well this year! WAHOO!
Everyone better be at our first game because it's home and you have NO excuse =) (I'll tell you when it is on a later date)
I love everyone in my life! even when people try to get under my skin, I've learned not to let them anymore! You guys are phenomenal! Thank you, Lord!
xoxo, kay kay
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(2 whispers // tell me a secret)
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| daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaang |
[22 Jan 2004|05:59pm] |
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mood |
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 indescribable |
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music |
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Shania Twain! |
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Tennis is starting soon!! I'm very very excited! =) We are having conditioning and then Feb 2, real practice! YAYY!!! I can't wait!
Okay, so I had the greatest time up in Ohio. Christina and her family are the BEST and payed for me to go skiing!!!! My first snow experience was AMAZING! I was horrible at skiing, yes, but I don't even care because I had the time of my life. Thank you so much, Christina! I miss you already!
So I was thinking the other day about life and stuff, and I decided that I'm honestly and sincerely happy. I caught myself staring out the window at school (not paying attention of course) and I was thinking how beautiful everything was outside and just how much of a blessing it is to be alive and healthy. I think hardly anything could get my spirits down these days because I'm just so excited about life and all. I love the feeling of happiness when you wake up in the morning and think "Thank you, Lord, for another beautiful day to live". It's a feeling everyone should experience. I don't want it to go away, ever. I just hope and pray that all the people who wake up and think "oh no, another horrible day to live" just realize someday how much fun living is! It's indescribable! Thank you to all the people who make me happy and my life worth living! =)
Oh, and by the way, I am so lucky! Stephen is spectacular! I can't believe how great he is. Wow. There are no words to explain... <3<3<3
Well, I have to write 10 pages in my journal, so I better get to it! love you guys!!! xoxoxo!
-Kayla Marie-
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(8 whispers // tell me a secret)
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